Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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