and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
