The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I just sharted jello shots
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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