I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
