I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
