So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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