hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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