Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
