6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
