porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
