I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
