Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
