The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
