So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i came on her dog
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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