one two three fourrrrnication!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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