please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize