Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
