I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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