i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
