I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
