I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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