in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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