I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
