At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
