That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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