i may or may not be watching the land before time
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
