nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
