So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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