my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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