bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
