Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
