I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
