i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
