I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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