WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
