Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
