I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
