If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
