All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
