so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
