Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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