Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
