Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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