I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
