bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
