If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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