I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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