You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
