I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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