Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
