my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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