Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
