yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She announced her abortion via fbk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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