His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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