I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
