Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
